I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
