In the future we'll all be gay
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
