im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
