:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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