Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
