OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How does one acquire holy water?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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