I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
