You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
