I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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