note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
