Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
