I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
