Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
