It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
