dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
