Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
