if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
