im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
