I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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