I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
