peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
