I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
