Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
