He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize