they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
