no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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