You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
