We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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