Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
