What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
