hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
