hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
