Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
