My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
