Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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