Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
