Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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