Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
