I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
