i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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