honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
