I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
