too bad you live with your parents still
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
