he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
