i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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