Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
