Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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