All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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