Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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