She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
