Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My liver just had a heart attack.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
