So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
