think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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