she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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