then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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