i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
