he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
