Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
