I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
