Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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