We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
