I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
