I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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