I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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