Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
