i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
