I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im holly from the hills drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
