he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
