Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
