at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize