My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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