I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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