oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
