i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
