I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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