I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
