Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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