she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
