I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
