I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
